RT @theblowout: I had a feeling Paula Deen used the Three-Fifths Compromise to tally up those calories, y'all. #PaulasBestDishes
Updated 8 seconds ago
@Oatmeal The NSA's supervision of your account slows things down. Why do you hate Freedom? Where's your 'Tesla' now?
Updated 14 seconds ago
RT @4lala: It's fine to say, "hey ladies, keep your eye on your drink" but it's also a LOT of bullshit that we NEED to keep an eye on our d…
Updated 33 seconds ago
#clothessongs Don't go chasing water bras
Updated 1 minutes ago
RT @MPG: Thanks! “@stevebyrnelive: Be sure to check out 2 of the best @MPG @breckinmeyer on TONIGHT’S PREMIERE OF F&B—TNT! Great guys! Grea…
Updated 1 minutes ago
Sorry you were attacked and fired from your job, but we need to focus on cat calls from men on the street
Updated 1 minutes ago
Learn about swingers & XXX Truth or Dare this week on THE JOEY MEDINA SHOW https://t.co/UvC5sAy2da
Updated 1 minutes ago
Craig talks abt his experience Saban Theatre over the weeknd..Tune in now u don't wannna miss this hilarious story! http://t.co/LaPo03zn57
Updated 2 minutes ago
RT @David_johnson8: @BILLBELLAMY slide down to Jed's, it's one somewhere in Perrysburg too, (bet) they got some of the best wings you ever …
Updated 2 minutes ago
RT @TheRachelZevita: 3 shows…2 boroughs…1 day…0 bucks!…This Friday 6/21 is @makemusicny. Catch me at @BRANDEDSALOON at 5pm in BK. In the Br…
Updated 2 minutes ago
Haha I just got unfollowed by someone that follows 13k ppl haha
Updated 2 minutes ago
RT @Silverc4: @BILLBELLAMY it's also where "FRUITY LOOPS" was invented! The art of oral with fruit loop milk! LMFAO
Updated 2 minutes ago
Off the hook comedy club Marcos Island this weekend. Friday 2nd show gonna break in an epic new bit. It will be... Off the... Well you know
Updated 2 minutes ago
Golfing today and there's an old man that I swear can barely walk in the group behind us. And he's still hitting up on us.
Updated 2 minutes ago
Any woman over the age of 40 that referes to them self as a “girl”, needs their head examined!
Updated 2 minutes ago
In case you forgot: My mom glued her eye shut this monday. I know I'll never forget.
Updated 3 minutes ago
RT @iamledgin: So unfair that Paul Deen wants blacks to be 3/5 of a person while she gets to be 5/3 of a person.
Updated 3 minutes ago
RT @AARONCARTER: Advice to little kids in the industry;
Don't try and act hard or like you are the shit because humility goes a long way. …
Updated 3 minutes ago
Based on the documentaries I've seen, the group The Ku Klux Klan hates the most is personal trainers.
Updated 3 minutes ago
Who do these coffee beans think they are? Tasting all good in liquid form and shit.
Updated 3 minutes ago
Have you ever just wanted to break into someone's Twitter and delete all their tweets?
Updated 3 minutes ago
RT @BilDwyer: Tremendousness Thursday night- at the world famous @ImprovComedyLA http://t.co/PLNRztvjGI
Updated 4 minutes ago
I always wanted Paula Deen to play my mother. Now I see she'd be perfect #racist
Updated 4 minutes ago
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