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Twitter Name: @aaronnemo
Website: http://nemothehuman.com
Location: U.States.A.
Description: FAKE FAKE AARON NEMO ACCOUNT
Website: http://nemothehuman.com
Location: U.States.A.
Description: FAKE FAKE AARON NEMO ACCOUNT
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Aaron_Nemo
I'm like Iron Man, except he has an arc reactor in his chest and I have a steel rod in my leg from when I fractured my own fibula at a bar.
Updated 1 day(s) ago
The only way I would ever pee on a girl is if it was the Wicked Witch of the West so she would melt and the Munchkins could be free.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Miss Frizzle has the ability to take a school bus into outer space or inside a human body but she's incapable of finding a husband.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
Silly rabbit... PediaTrix are for kids!
Updated 6 day(s) ago
I don't have to pay federal taxes because in elementary school I had my fingers crossed when I pledged allegiance to the flag.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
The United States government does not negotiate with TaraReids.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
Marry, Bang, Kill: the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Step 1: Get on YouTube and find R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly. Step 2: Pull up a .jpeg of a penguin. Step 3: You're welcome.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Saw a guy sleeping at work today, then I woke up and realized it was just a dream and got back to work.
Updated 17 day(s) ago
My parents gave me the sex talk when I was not yet years old.
Updated 19 day(s) ago
The really cool thing about public restrooms is nothing.
Updated 22 day(s) ago
Video: Happy Mother’s Day, mothers! I don’t have any Yo Mama jokes, but one time I did some Yo-Yo Ma jokes. http://t.co/69Z08AFcbS
Updated posted May 12, 2013, 4:55 pm
In 4th grade a woman came to my school and told me I had scoliosis. She wasn't a nurse, just a mean lady that heckled me during recess.
Updated posted May 12, 2013, 12:28 pm
Heard a guy say "Mexicans are where it's at!" I repeated that phrase and he offered me a fist bump. I accepted. Mexicans are where it's at.
Updated posted May 10, 2013, 11:03 pm
Spiral staircase = out of breath + dizziness
Updated posted May 10, 2013, 8:36 pm
Times I've said the word "scoundrel" before today: 6. Times I've said the word "scoundrel" today: 427.
Updated posted May 9, 2013, 9:21 pm
Bought my mom a HILARIOUS & WACKY Mother's Day card from the humor section. Signing it "Sincerely, Son Who's Afraid to Express Real Emotion"
Updated posted May 8, 2013, 4:24 pm
If you have a girlfriend named Abbey and you don't refer to performing oral sex on her as "Downtown Abbey" you are wasting my time.
Updated posted May 7, 2013, 5:28 pm
Just saying... Mufasa fell 500 FEET from a CLIFF and was consequently TRAMPLED by a STAMPEDE of WILDEBEEST. How is he not bloody afterwards?
Updated posted May 7, 2013, 4:01 pm
The Jews found a way to phonetically sneak their name into the word "graduation", a word that doesn't even contain a J, E, or W!!!!
Updated posted May 5, 2013, 5:29 pm
I'm at a bar & there's beer pong here & I was like "Can I sign up for next?" 2 bros were like NO WE'RE NEXT so I said "You're life is sad."
Updated posted May 2, 2013, 8:48 pm
RT if you're seeing Iron Guy 4 at midnite
Updated posted May 2, 2013, 8:23 pm
If I lose all of my followers tonight I will tweet a picture of my ween (no one would see) (that's the catch) (I am a catch) (parenthesis)
Updated posted May 2, 2013, 8:03 pm
Napoleon Bonerfart #LOLOL #comedy4kidz
Updated posted May 2, 2013, 7:47 pm
The only class I ever failed in high school was Keyboarding 101. <--- that took me 27 minutes to type
Updated posted April 28, 2013, 4:38 pm
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