Following
100
100
Followers
218
218
Twitter Name: @andrewhealan
Website: http://www.andrewhealan.com
Location: New Orleans, LA
Description: comedian, patriot, national treasure
Website: http://www.andrewhealan.com
Location: New Orleans, LA
Description: comedian, patriot, national treasure
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Andrew_Healan
woman standing in line at the post office has a condom (unopened) dangling from her mouth. Think I have a shot with this one.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
at the post office mailing letters like a rube. Sorry every podcast I listen to.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
businesses that make it the most difficult to pay by credit card deserve my money the least.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
maybe this bar is just into TNT shows. A woman ordered a Franklin & Bash with a lime and her boyfriend is drinking a bottle of Cold Case.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
either everyone at this bar really enjoys watching Rizzoli & Isles with closed captioning or the bartender forgot to change the TV.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
working on a buddy cop comedy that teams a high functioning alcoholic with a high functioning autistic.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
tried to get more laughs by performing in a maternity shirt and Tom Dempsey style shoes. http://t.co/mcYBUKa6if
Updated 7 day(s) ago
NHL playoffs + game 7 + overtime = pure joy
Updated 7 day(s) ago
from now on, will refer to hooking up with a slutty girl as scoring an empty netter.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
this bar is divided between people watching basketball and people watching hockey. As usual, it's me against the masses.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
this bar is divided between people watching basketball and people watching hockey. As usual, it's me against the world.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
everyone who said they have the best mom ever is wrong and here is proof. http://t.co/paMJA7CVJ5
Updated 8 day(s) ago
copied and pasted "I didn't know you had a sister" on 174 Facebook photos today.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
last night I fell asleep watching SNL because I am an old married couple.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
ELVIS HAS JUST LEFT THE BUILDING! on to round two. #LETSGOPENS
Updated 9 day(s) ago
coughed up something that most closely resembles a cube of orange jello. Been nice knowing y'all.
Updated 9 day(s) ago
currently 8:36 AM. 24 minutes until I can enter the bank and drunkenly sort through the contents of my safe deposit box.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
the newly formed government of South Uganda issued an official statement condemning the Rascal Flatts album Unstoppable.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
really excited that Joan Jett has signed on to be the official spokesperson for Flying J Travel Plazas.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
gonna start some juicy rumors. #boredatwork
Updated 11 day(s) ago
after inventing a couple of new ones tonight, I now know 17 ways to mime "I want to kill myself and everyone around me."
Updated 11 day(s) ago
the US should put Tomas Vokoun in charge of border patrol because nothing gets past him. Shoutout for the shutout. #LETSGOPENS
Updated 11 day(s) ago
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