Anyone who uses the phrase "Excuse you!" should be hit in the forehead with a framing hammer.
Updated 3 minutes ago
RT @jenstatsky: No cry for help quite like, "I'm going to start making my own jewelry."
Updated 1 hour 5 minutes ago
RT @Felkeypaedia: Ferrari tennis shoes are a new level of douchedom. Especially when you drive a crappy Ford.
Updated 1 hour 9 minutes ago
RT @Roobots: Who do I know that can easily composite a dildo over pre-existing footage? I'm in need of some quick skillz
Updated 1 hour 9 minutes ago
Summer always makes me feel like a kid again. Probably because my underpants are full of baby powder.
Updated 4 hours ago
Oh he had "traces of marijuana" in his system? Well that explains why he must have done something pot smokers NEVER do.
Updated 5 hours ago
Nothing screams "I peaked at 22" like clinging to that sorority/fraternity long after you graduated college.
Updated 16 hours ago
For me, the funniest part of Tyler Perry shows is the white guy doing voice over for the TBS commercials trying to use slang.
Updated 16 hours ago
No one has thought about Donna Summer in 30 years but everyone's Facebook status is about how much they miss her.
Updated 16 hours ago
I shit you not. I'm at Lowes watching a couple of guys in loafers trying to fit lumber into trunk of a Porsche.
Updated 17 hours ago
Who hired the female cashier at Lowes with the throat tattoo of a skull?! How'd that interview go?
Updated 17 hours ago
When I was a kid there were no gluten or peanut allergies...just lactose intolerance...and we still drank milk everyday & dealt with it!
Updated 17 hours ago
When I was a kid they made car stereos so you could pull them out & take them with you so a crackhead wouldn't steal it.
Updated 19 hours ago
Cable news is really getting it's pussy wet on how much Facebook founders are going to pay in taxes. They must get a cut.
Updated 20 hours ago
No one under 25 today is really that interesting. That's why they're not allowed to rent cars. You're not going anywhere of note.
Updated 22 hours ago
If all you've done in life is left your parent's house & gone to school for 4 years, you really don't have much to talk about, do you?
Updated 22 hours ago
Anything someone under the age of 25 is telling you about nutrition is utter bullshit.
Updated 22 hours ago
The skinny guys in Spandex makes cycling looks like the least manliest sport ever.
Updated 1 day(s) ago
Sometimes the embroidered leather vest makes it hard to initially determine between a biker & a big, burly gay guy.
Updated 1 day(s) ago
Ladies, you've over-sculpted the eyebrows when, even while wearing large sunglasses, you still have a look of surprise.
Updated 1 day(s) ago
Only people who get offended by being called dumb are people that KNOW they're dumb.
Updated 1 day(s) ago
This is the bottom of the page....
