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Twitter Name: @DannyKallas
Website: http://www.comediansyoushouldknow.com
Location: Chicago
Description: I'm trying to be a better person today than I was yesterday. Which is why I went to the zoo yesterday and rubbed elephant feces on the face of a newborn baby.
Website: http://www.comediansyoushouldknow.com
Location: Chicago
Description: I'm trying to be a better person today than I was yesterday. Which is why I went to the zoo yesterday and rubbed elephant feces on the face of a newborn baby.
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Danny_Kallas
@bendiazart Thank you, man.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
In New York City, tonight-Sunday. See me tonight at @cricketscomedy at 8 PM and @BrokenComedy at 9 PM. #comedy
Updated 11 day(s) ago
The only things certain in life are death, taxes, and that all your moms give it up. #HappyMothersDay
Updated 12 day(s) ago
She gave me life and in the process destroyed her puss. What more could I ask for? Thank you, Ma. #HappyMothersDay
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Listened to Adele cover Sam Cooke song & she sang it better than Cooke. I know it's been said time & time again but broad's got some pipes!
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Performing at @TCBChicago with @joekilgallon. Tonight and tomorrow at 8 and 10 PM. Info and $10 tickets at http://t.co/jRKJzdNUKY .
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Fuck you. (Not you, if you're reading this, but everyone else. Fuck 'em, you know?)
Updated 14 day(s) ago
There are new trains on the Green Line! This is one of the few times in my life Chicago has even attempted to improve the West Side. Hooray!
Updated 16 day(s) ago
CHICAGO! I have your night planned: 6 PM, go @Timmy_OTooles to watch Bulls/Heat. 9 P, stay at O'Toole's to watch @CYSK. 11 P, drive me home.
Updated 16 day(s) ago
CHICAGO! See me host @hugcity at @LuckysWP. Tonight at 9:30 PM. Free! #WickerPark
Tomorrow, I'm at @CYSK at 9 PM. http://t.co/WSlWXjsHRI
Updated 17 day(s) ago
Hey, @HowardStern. Instead of going to the AGT tryouts in Chicago on Wednesday, @MartyDeRosa and I wanna invite you to @CYSK. Whataya say?
Updated 18 day(s) ago
I know how to use the word "whom" in a sentence but choose "who". Saying whom always makes me sound like a snobby, male cunt.
Updated 18 day(s) ago
Sometimes I forget how much I hate Star Wars dorks. Thank you for reminding me, May 4th.
Updated 20 day(s) ago
In Chicago May 16th-18th? Go see @drewmcomedy's album recording! Here's a nice write-up about it from the @Suntimes: http://t.co/ug8HhgXJLd
Updated 20 day(s) ago
More like cUmforter! #motel
Updated 20 day(s) ago
Even if you know me well, I think you'd still be disgusted if I told you how many thousands of times I picked my toe cheese and smelled it.
Updated 20 day(s) ago
When I get home Sunday, my wife better still be sitting Indian-style in my cat's litter box like I told here to!
Updated 20 day(s) ago
I'm gonna kill every person in Iowa, then kill myself. I don't wanna kill myself, but it will get me out of coming back to IA for my trial.
Updated 21 day(s) ago
If you're curious, the comedians making Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky jokes is currently at three. #Iowa
Updated 21 day(s) ago
Being in Dubuque, IA for two days with nothing to do makes you really understand why people become Meth heads.
Updated 21 day(s) ago
Over the last year, it seems the only people who continue to say that some people think women aren't funny are women.
Updated 21 day(s) ago
You mean when he was alive or how he looks now? "@WhatJohnThinks: @DannyKallas Hey, you look like MCA from the Beastie Boys."
Updated 21 day(s) ago
DUBUQUE, IA!
See me perform at @MissMoonBar inside @DiamondJoDBQ. Saturday at 7 PM. #Comedy10K
Updated 21 day(s) ago
RT @drewmcomedy: @DannyKallas Have you seen a motel clerk? They'll probably just do that if you ask.
Updated 21 day(s) ago
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