Following
639
639
Followers
2735
2735
Twitter Name: @GooseCampos
Website: http://tinyurl.com/29hz5n
Description: Forget everything you've heard about Malaysian pottery, trust me
Website: http://tinyurl.com/29hz5n
Description: Forget everything you've heard about Malaysian pottery, trust me
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Gus_Campos
I'll crank up Heart's 'What about Love' at a stop light in my convertible Mazda Miata dressed as Marilyn Monroe, that's how secure I am bro
Updated 7 day(s) ago
Cue fun salsa music: "I'm cool, NOT a degenerate coke head pulling a lever all night" is how Indian casinos should advertise
Updated 8 day(s) ago
"Life on four strings" was the highlight of the LA film festival; very touching and inspirational. Never use a low G? @JakeShimabukuro
Updated 8 day(s) ago
Quick! listen to this before they give you a jaywalking ticket... http://t.co/pzZ9kUMIc6
Updated 10 day(s) ago
If Quentin Tarantino taught us anything, every Harley Davidson owners basement should be searched http://t.co/kHVyo3yFBw
Updated 10 day(s) ago
Anybody else shotgun nacho cheese from their nose watching Jimmy Kimmel finally doing @EliBraden's Supreme Court sour cream joke?
Updated 10 day(s) ago
Shout out to Katt Williams for saving those kidnapped girls in Ohio!
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Ever wake up in a Tijuana jail with two other mariachi chicks with beards and mustaches? I never did, next year
Updated 13 day(s) ago
$$ Making Idea:
1. dress up like a slutty waitress
2. go for a motorcycle ride with that Geico dick dressed with dollar bills
3. Kill him $$
Updated 15 day(s) ago
Who said every commercial has to start with some shitty song track? I'm not selling the fucking soundtrack to a Buick. #AdMan
Updated 15 day(s) ago
I don't have AIDS but can't wait to get it, OR watch a Will/Jaden Smith film
Updated 15 day(s) ago
I'm like the Indiana Jones of excavating my hamper for that lost condom
Updated 15 day(s) ago
I'll write a fifty line haiku about the majesty of Dolphins peeing in the water UNDER the dotted line of a paycheck, like a real G
Updated 17 day(s) ago
Someone should tell "The Rock" to chill off splatting his physique all over the place; Arby's has a new Hawaiin bun, you in shape dick
Updated 17 day(s) ago
Pretty damn sure this jam is based on @PaulyPeligroso's tweets http://t.co/4o6NnJWQEE
Updated 17 day(s) ago
"Homeless people have great hair and giant tits" is what I'm waiting for on CNN
Updated 17 day(s) ago
Sitcom idea: TBS execs trying to roll a joint in their Volvo's thinking of something that's hood; Very Funny
Updated 17 day(s) ago
RT @genepompa: Turns out the ol lady doesn't need a new vagina after all! Getting a rebuilt and saving a few bucks.
Updated 18 day(s) ago
Million Dollar idea: Cologne scent of Derek Jeter's finger "Can I smell your finger?" "Smells like pussy!"
(Derek Winks) "Exactly"
Updated 18 day(s) ago
Don't believe if you say you're closed. I've got unlimited weekend minutes, I'll re-dial all night until you take my order @PizzaHut
Updated 21 day(s) ago
Why? I don't get that RT @prodigalsam Raise your hand if you enjoy breakfast burritos. Now use that hand to punch yourself in the mouth.
Updated 23 day(s) ago
Don't mean to brag, but I just turned this leftover dinner burrito into a breakfast burrito, like a wizard
Updated 24 day(s) ago
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