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Twitter Name: @sween
Website: http://iamyourcanadianboyfriend.com
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Description: limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper.
Website: http://iamyourcanadianboyfriend.com
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Description: limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper.
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Jason_Sweeney
“What do you mean the Leafs blew a three-point lead?? TURN THIS CAPSULE AROUND!!”
Welcome home, @Cmdr_Hadfield.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
“What do you mean, the Leafs blew a three-point lead?? TURN THIS CAPSULE AROUND!!”
Welcome home, @Cmdr_Hadfield.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
Now the Leafs are out of the playoffs, theatre and art gallery attendance is going to go through the *roof*.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
Calm down, Toronto. It’s not like this is new to us.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
Today I said “hi” to someone really loud and it sounded like I was doing karate and I have literally never felt so cool.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
Dr. Pepper only has a PhD.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
RT @Cmdr_Hadfield: With deference to the genius of David Bowie, here's Space Oddity, recorded on Station. A last glimpse of the World. http…
Updated 11 day(s) ago
41-years old and I’m *still* pissed off about the whole “EVERY day is Kids Day!” crap.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
Even though I feed him *every* day, I just realized my cat has never laughed at a single one of my jokes.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
I’d never *actually* divorce my wife, but when I got tagged in the nuts and she told me to “walk it off”?
I thought about it.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
RT @Moltz: How many times can you guys get away with farting in front of your wives by saying “Oops”? I’ve only gotten to 2 before she leav…
Updated 12 day(s) ago
This place sells “something bagels”. It's like they're not even trying.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Stress?? You don't KNOW stress until you've spent fifty years living a quiet, domestic life with stress.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Yay! Explaining jokes!
Updated 14 day(s) ago
I’m not saying people in the Middle East don’t floss. I’m saying I expected peace in the Middle East before I ever started flossing.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
RT @mat: Dear Millenials AND Boomers,
http://t.co/jfJjUXg58R
Love,
The people who brought you punk, rap, and EDM
Updated 14 day(s) ago
My wife convinced me to start flossing. Sending her to the Middle East to sort it out next.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Wife: “Your penis is so cute! Like a hobbit in the Shire! It lives at BAG END! HA!”
I’ve never been so mortified yet proud all at once.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
oh god I’m so sorry
Updated 15 day(s) ago
My sneezes are so good, people say “GesundTIGHT”.
Updated 15 day(s) ago
I also have a song for when I’m pooping and I’m *not* in a bathroom.
“A Horse with No Name” by America.
Updated 15 day(s) ago
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