Following
7
7
Followers
2504
2504
Twitter Name: @KingKightlinger
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Laura_Kightlinger
RT @sardonicgrins: @KingKightlinger Throw this on the pile while the Murder She Wrote episodes load. http://t.co/3sA4DYPqSD
Updated 10 day(s) ago
I am just one depression nap away from kicking the shit out of this day.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
RT @Matt_Dwyer: If you drive a Humvee you may as well have Marshal amps on top blaring, "asshole here. Huge fucking asshole coming through…
Updated 12 day(s) ago
I never get tired of seeing photos of other people's cats and dogs. -This is true & it's an answer in my assisted living center application.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Trying to decide whether or not to see "Moustached Embryos and Their Dates." Yes, The Great Gatsby. Karen Black is amazing in the original.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Infomercial actors have 30 sec. to show utter frustration. But, if u saw a man yelling at a knotted garden hose, you'd think they'd snapped.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
It's hard to find a Mother's Day card that isn't overtly sentimental. I'd like to find one that reads: "Hey, we all make mistakes."
Updated 14 day(s) ago
At a restaurant and just poured the rest of old martini into new martini. The words "class act" come to mind.
Updated 17 day(s) ago
@thepatrickwalsh or someone who didn't have to swim through a sewer to get away.
Updated 18 day(s) ago
Anchorage is like the movie "Breaking the Waves" without the laughs.
Updated 18 day(s) ago
"If you want to look your very best for the ladies, hold your stomach in when you cry." - Oscar Wilde
Updated 20 day(s) ago
My stepfather died within three weeks of my grandfather. I didn't even know they were in love.
Updated 21 day(s) ago
I haven't met my neighbors. If I had, I bet there'd be some stimulating back and forth like:"It's a real scorcher today." And,"Isn't it?"
Updated 24 day(s) ago
@marcmaron I can't wait. I've tried everything to get some sleep. This is my last hope.
Updated 25 day(s) ago
RT @pattonoswalt: The underlying theme of the George W. Bush Presidential Library is -- no exaggeration -- "Let's see YOU do a better job."
Updated 25 day(s) ago
My mother and I sound the same. I retrieved a message she'd left; thought it was me reminding myself my cousin is fucking a married teacher.
Updated 25 day(s) ago
Men in LA are small, averaging 5'6" a throw and the women here are so tiny they wear weighted shoes to keep from being carried off by hawks.
Updated 25 day(s) ago
My cat is asleep on my lap and he's so damn sweet I don't want to move. It's been five days now.
Updated 26 day(s) ago
Has anyone ever read a book of poetry from cover to cover? I think it's better than cutting.
Updated 26 day(s) ago
Kids like me because I treat them like adults, unless they're really little and non lingual, then I treat them like stuffed animals.
Updated posted April 4, 2013, 7:01 pm
My B&B: Come for the cats; Stay for the Dander Omelette.
Updated posted March 29, 2013, 1:02 pm
This is the bottom of the page....
