Most vine videos are too long.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
I wish I can make it in show business from my bed.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
Just dropped @arishaffir off at the airport. He is now officially a New York comic. Give em hell Ari! #bigapple #Imwalkinhere! #hategoodbyes
Updated 11 day(s) ago
@realmickfoley I heard a car crash out my window last night. For a second I got excited because I thought Mankind was coming out.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
From now on instead of saying "nice try" I'm just going to say "favorite."
Updated 12 day(s) ago
My waiter just quit. Totally not getting a tip.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Summer's like, "I'm back motherfucker!"
Updated 16 day(s) ago
Just realized I always hear a robot voice whenever I read anything Stephen Hawking wrote.
Updated 16 day(s) ago
No matter what the context is, the greatest fight story ever would end “…and that’s how I got banned from Knotts Scary Farm.”
Updated 19 day(s) ago
No matter what the context is, the greatest fight story ever would end "...and thats how I got banned from Knotts Scary Farm."
Updated 19 day(s) ago
If you ask me to choke you during sex then don't be weirded out when I lock in the guillotine.
Updated 19 day(s) ago
Stoked to be the only white guy in the room right now. Totally not shaking.
Updated 24 day(s) ago
Heard a rape whistle go off last night. Reminded me to lock my door.
Updated 24 day(s) ago
Headlining @LestatsComedy tonight in San Diego. Show starts at 9. Just sayin...
Updated 26 day(s) ago
Come be my only audience member @thecomedystore tonight at 1am. Unless you have a life or something.
Updated posted April 17, 2013, 5:56 pm
Come be my only audience member tonight @thecomedystore at 1am. Unless you have a life or something.
Updated posted April 17, 2013, 5:53 pm
@theteeb could I have some of the left over pussy you dont finish?
Updated posted April 17, 2013, 5:44 pm
webmd is a great place to kill some time.
Updated posted April 17, 2013, 4:52 pm
@YerMomsFavorite You're a good man Andrew. Thanks for the love.
Updated posted April 16, 2013, 3:36 pm
Roger Ebert stayed strong all the way to the end. Died with a smile on his face.
Updated posted April 4, 2013, 1:52 pm
@guster @jeffgarlin I had sex to "satellite" last night. Made it the whole song! Thanks for the memories
Updated posted April 3, 2013, 4:32 pm
This is the bottom of the page....
