Following
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Followers
924
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Twitter Name: @citizenkeane
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Patrick_Keane
Just downloaded the sleep apnea.
Updated 27 minutes ago
In the series finale everyone has a penis, and they call it "Crying Game of Thrones."
Updated 5 hours ago
Just drank 1/15th of a 5 hour energy drink and really gonna kick ass for the next 20 minutes.
Updated 8 hours ago
My audience's autobiography will be called Game of Groans.
Updated 12 hours ago
When I'm hungover I like to tweet it out. #twittersnsour
Updated 15 hours ago
Most unrealistic part of Ironman 3 is that the young white kid had a toy gun.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
Just watched my first episode of Maron and loved it. Wish I could watch it again for the first time. Jealous of myself 30 minutes ago.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Would have enlisted in the military long ago if I would've known you could get away with this much sexual harassment.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Coffee must not agree with me because I've never been paid for anything I've ever written at Starbucks.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
When you're stoned, you can hear every conversation but the one you're in.
Updated 12 day(s) ago
Watching all this baseball is doing wonders for my breast cancer.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Self-esteem's been improving. Almost ready to start dating white girls.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Thanks for all the good wishes today guys.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
It was supposed to be called 'The Good Gatsby' but Tony the Tiger took over the marketing.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Did the twitter bug on the dance floor at a wedding last night.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Tonight's the night we move the clocks back so it's really only midnight right now.
Updated 13 day(s) ago
We gotta do what Randall "Pink" Floyd wants us to do.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
It's St. Patrick's Day somewhere.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Mom from 16 Candles is Redford's girl in 3 Days on the Condor.
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Documentary coming out about by career entitled, "Project Red-lit."
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Jets' Aboushi a rare Palestinian-American in NFL - Yahoo! Sports http://t.co/2669MCQhP0
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Never trust a comic who watches a lot of stand up.
Updated 15 day(s) ago
Is the NHL still on strike?
Updated 15 day(s) ago
RT @zachsherwin: Hank Higgens seems like a nice normal American name until you realize it's an anagram of Genghis Khan
Updated 15 day(s) ago
Hope it's not too late to tweet this.
Updated 15 day(s) ago
This is the bottom of the page....
