Patton Oswalt

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Twitter Name: @pattonoswalt
Website: http://www.pattonoswalt.com
Location: Los Angeles
Description: Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.

Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Patton_Oswalt
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Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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God help us all, but @amyschumer's horrifying, hilarious show is on Comedy Central 2nite at 10:30pm. THANKS, OBAMA.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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What "good job" did you leave in the city? Cleaning plates or pumping gas? #creedencequestions #proudmary
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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RT @MAURICELAMARCHE: Not letting up in my quest to #SaveFuturamaAgain! Please sign the petition at http://t.co/nfwf1C7V9E and RT. Thanks, …
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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RT @MarthaPlimpton: Whatever you do, don't try nuance here. Unless you like having to explain yourself a lot. #IDont
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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"I've empowered cretins. I've poisoned the world." -- Tim Berners-Lee, reading the Tweets between @marcmaron, @daveanthony & me
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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RT @DJRotaryRachel: I'm willing to entertain your 'Global warming is a hoax' theory if I can use your pool.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@andreDmd @daveanthony @marcmaron Is this a Tweet from the President of Show Business?
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@blacksab67 @daveanthony That was Chaz Bono.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @daveanthony Every day, every hole, every way.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @daveanthony We'll work on your focus next time, Marc. The trolls are only vapor. Play the man, not the feed.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @daveanthony You got it, Lester Bangs. Should we pause for a Just Coffee ad here?
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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RT @boylepf: @pattonoswalt @daveanthony @marcmaron maybe Dave can host Declarin' Maron, IFC's first post-show show about the show.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @daveanthony Why "make up sad people to mock" when the two of you exist?
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @daveanthony Right after you crowbar "existential" into a tirade about cat poop.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@daveanthony @marcmaron You left out "barely" before "on", Dave.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @michaelianblack @daveanthony Guys, @JackeeHarry is favoriting every one of these posts. Is everyone else super-hard?
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @michaelianblack @daveanthony When it was in your mouth and I posted the video on YouPorn.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @daveanthony Why would I title my special the same as the name of your production company?
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @michaelianblack @daveanthony All of your penises. In, say, Marc's grandma's howling butthole.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @michaelianblack @daveanthony Okay, one more. Phew. (Loooong pause) I find the 3 of you unpleasant.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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.@marcmaron @daveanthony *sigh* Fine. Um...lessee...you're overrated and something else, maybe your mustache? That sucks, too.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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THANK YOU, @chezpazienza. These past few days have not been fun. Hate being called something I'm not: http://t.co/oaLwf4vRsy
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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RT @ShittingtonUK: The gypsy's withered hand caressed Steven Seagal's cheek. "Penn Jillette," she whispered. http://t.co/EGBuY0MS3m
RT @ShittingtonUK: The gypsy's withered hand caressed Steven Seagal's cheek.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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GHOSTBUSTERS 3 is the new CHINESE DEMOCRACY.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
Comedian Patton Oswalt on Twitter
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Goodbye, #DrJoyceBrothers. Guess it's up to me now. Hoo-kay, who's got a gripe about their penis? Vagina? Show of hands?
Updated 4 day(s) ago

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