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Twitter Name: @Smethanie
Website: http://smethanie.com
Location: NYC
Description: Once used the word dildo in a job interview. And got the job.
Website: http://smethanie.com
Location: NYC
Description: Once used the word dildo in a job interview. And got the job.
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Stephanie
. @CWATF reminded me why I have no super model friends in my chat with @tyrabanks' Twitter feed: https://t.co/XT4TV6tjho
Updated 5 day(s) ago
RT @CWATF: When things get hard, grab onto the handle bars of fierceness. @smethanie and @tyrabanks show you how: https://t.co/PXaKZAjvUo
Updated 6 day(s) ago
Told the flight attendant I'm competent for an emergency exit seat, but if there's a real emergency I'll probably shit myself and play dead.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
I have to wake up at 4 a.m. so I'll probably stay awake until 2:30 thinking about how I have to wake up at 4 a.m.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
@zombiedisco101 Yeah, it already bit me in the ass. She moved in two years ago.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
My brother texted my mom "HMD" and my sister group texted her instead of calling so I can stop trying so hard and still be the favorite.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
My mom let my call go to voicemail and this is why we have a perfect relationship.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
Does a Hot Pocket count as Mother's Day brunch?
Updated 7 day(s) ago
RT @robdelaney: Let’s not forget to wish Happy Mother’s Day to all the “moms” of dogs & puppies out there!! JK, you are absolutely not moms.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
Just cut a dangling turd from the cat's butt fur. Happy Mother's Day!!
Updated 7 day(s) ago
I bet Kim Kardashian is squealing with excitement because FINALLY Mother's Day can be about her.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
Show Mom how much you care this Mother's Day by listening to one of her voicemails before deleting it.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
Pregaming for Mother's Day by making the kids fish sticks for dinner.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
My kid called me a "big, fat meanie" cuz "Mother's Day isn't until tomorrow."
Updated 8 day(s) ago
If anyone objects to this couple joining in holy matrimony, speak now or forfeit the right to say "I told you so" at the divorce in 2 years.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
I'd rather my kids wake me with an animated gif of Ryan Gosling winking than breakfast in bed on Mother's Day.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
My boyfriend and my foreplay is just us elbowing and head butting each other while trying to get our clothes off.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
Finally got up and walked across the room for the remote. Thinking about writing a travel blog about it.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
So sweet of my kid to buy me a plant from the Mother's Day plant sale I donated plants to with money I gave her!
Updated 9 day(s) ago
My kids may roll their eyes at me, but at least SOMEONE thinks I'm funny. RT: @mashable: 17 Funny Moms on Twitter http://t.co/6jfNBmScCT
Updated 9 day(s) ago
Hope my mom likes the Ben Wa balls I got her for Mother's Day to fix what I broke by being born!
Updated 10 day(s) ago
@sacrocide Nope. Still doesn't work. (You get weird looks when you sit at your desk saying "spritz" repeatedly in various Bavarian accents)
Updated 11 day(s) ago
There's no masculine way to say the word "spritz."
Updated 11 day(s) ago
This is the bottom of the page....
