Following
91
91
Followers
721
721
Twitter Name: @scsanta
Location: Austin, TX, USA
Description: I'm a writer, editor, PR/marketing whiz, comedian, puppet guy, etc. Especially Etc. Loyal, trustworthy, brave, clean, housebroken.
Location: Austin, TX, USA
Description: I'm a writer, editor, PR/marketing whiz, comedian, puppet guy, etc. Especially Etc. Loyal, trustworthy, brave, clean, housebroken.
Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Steve_Carrell
@dbmcgo What is "old"? My theory is your age + 15 years. So our theories are close.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
If silence is golden, he’s Fort Knox --- after a robbery. Know anyone like that?
Updated 9 day(s) ago
My parents bribed me to be quiet. & went bankrupt. Now we talk all I want at their homeless shelter. #Untrue They own a tent
Updated 9 day(s) ago
What age is "old" to you? And what's your approximate age?
Updated 9 day(s) ago
Silence is golden. That means it’s worth money. So if I don’t tweet, you owe me money. #FinancialGenius?
Updated 11 day(s) ago
3 marches at Texas capital. For a big crowd, they should’ve combined them: Babies for Immigration of Dead Law Officers
Updated 11 day(s) ago
To stop gun violence, promote knives (fewer deaths), eg, man stabs 4 people (none seriously) at church.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
3 marches in Texas capital this weekend. For a big crowd, combine them: Babies for Immigration of Dead Law Officers
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Common deletion in nature films: "I’m here in cold mud while bugs eat me. So I don’t care about that deer appearing"
Updated 13 day(s) ago
The only time you're not growing a beard is when you're shaving. --- The Beards. #AwesomeBand
Updated 14 day(s) ago
I drenched my house in spider-killing spray. So I may grow 8 legs. But that's OK. I can stomp spiders better
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Real ad: "Anyone posing a direct threat to the safety of himself or others is not qualified for this job." #Discrimination
Updated 15 day(s) ago
Don't feel bad about missing May Day. Today is another May day. And 28 more after that.
Updated 15 day(s) ago
My new job: Selling model kits of the Invisible Man. Send $20 in visible money.
Updated 17 day(s) ago
Edgar Allan Poe had a sandwich named after him, the Poe'boy. But it killed him. #TaintedRaven #Nevermore
Updated 18 day(s) ago
I celebrated Arbor Day by waiting until today to cut down a tree.
Updated 18 day(s) ago
Talk-to-text slow, not safer than writing text in a car. But the study was in TX so Siri would hear "How are you" as "Houw ahr ewe"
Updated 21 day(s) ago
New Chinese bird flu is especially bad. So don't kiss a chicken on the lips. #SafetyTip
Updated 22 day(s) ago
I woke up 5 hours early because my body demanded breakfast. I punished it by eating pie instead.
Updated 22 day(s) ago
@SteveMartinToGo I absolve all Steves, including me + the other Steve Carrells. #UnleashTheInsanity
Updated 23 day(s) ago
@SteveMartinToGo At the weekly secret nationwide meeting to plot against you, your dog said he hijacks your Twitter
Updated 23 day(s) ago
An interesting guy unfollowed me before I could follow back. Obviously I was wrong about "interesting."
Updated 23 day(s) ago
RT @juliussharpe: Glad they built a George W. Bush library. Finally, something will combine a terrible president with being quiet.
Updated 23 day(s) ago
Edgar Allen Poe died of “ brain congestion." I thought I only had allergies. Goodbye, everyone.
Updated 23 day(s) ago
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