Steve Carrell

Steve Carrell on Xtreme Tweet
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721
Twitter Name: @scsanta
Location: Austin, TX, USA
Description: I'm a writer, editor, PR/marketing whiz, comedian, puppet guy, etc. Especially Etc. Loyal, trustworthy, brave, clean, housebroken.

Profile Link: http://comedytweet.com/Steve_Carrell
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Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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@dbmcgo What is "old"? My theory is your age + 15 years. So our theories are close.
Updated 8 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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If silence is golden, he’s Fort Knox --- after a robbery. Know anyone like that?
Updated 9 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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My parents bribed me to be quiet. & went bankrupt. Now we talk all I want at their homeless shelter. #Untrue They own a tent
Updated 9 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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What age is "old" to you? And what's your approximate age?
Updated 9 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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Silence is golden. That means it’s worth money. So if I don’t tweet, you owe me money. #FinancialGenius?
Updated 11 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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3 marches at Texas capital. For a big crowd, they should’ve combined them: Babies for Immigration of Dead Law Officers
Updated 11 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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To stop gun violence, promote knives (fewer deaths), eg, man stabs 4 people (none seriously) at church.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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3 marches in Texas capital this weekend. For a big crowd, combine them: Babies for Immigration of Dead Law Officers
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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Common deletion in nature films: "I’m here in cold mud while bugs eat me. So I don’t care about that deer appearing"
Updated 13 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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The only time you're not growing a beard is when you're shaving. --- The Beards. #AwesomeBand
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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I drenched my house in spider-killing spray. So I may grow 8 legs. But that's OK. I can stomp spiders better
Updated 14 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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Real ad: "Anyone posing a direct threat to the safety of himself or others is not qualified for this job." #Discrimination
Updated 15 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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Don't feel bad about missing May Day. Today is another May day. And 28 more after that.
Updated 15 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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My new job: Selling model kits of the Invisible Man. Send $20 in visible money.
Updated 17 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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Edgar Allan Poe had a sandwich named after him, the Poe'boy. But it killed him. #TaintedRaven #Nevermore
Updated 18 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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I celebrated Arbor Day by waiting until today to cut down a tree.
Updated 18 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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Talk-to-text slow, not safer than writing text in a car. But the study was in TX so Siri would hear "How are you" as "Houw ahr ewe"
Updated 21 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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RT @SimianGibbons: I am become sleepy, destroyer of coffees
Updated 21 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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New Chinese bird flu is especially bad. So don't kiss a chicken on the lips. #SafetyTip
Updated 22 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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I woke up 5 hours early because my body demanded breakfast. I punished it by eating pie instead.
Updated 22 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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@SteveMartinToGo I absolve all Steves, including me + the other Steve Carrells. #UnleashTheInsanity
Updated 23 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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@SteveMartinToGo At the weekly secret nationwide meeting to plot against you, your dog said he hijacks your Twitter
Updated 23 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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An interesting guy unfollowed me before I could follow back. Obviously I was wrong about "interesting."
Updated 23 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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RT @juliussharpe: Glad they built a George W. Bush library. Finally, something will combine a terrible president with being quiet.
Updated 23 day(s) ago
Comedian Steve Carrell on Twitter
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Edgar Allen Poe died of “ brain congestion." I thought I only had allergies. Goodbye, everyone.
Updated 23 day(s) ago

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