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Twitter Name: @myqkaplan
Website: http://www.myqkaplan.com
Location: NYC, Boston, miscellaneous
Description: comic, friendly, vegan, atheist, optimist, dorky, awesome, human
Website: http://www.myqkaplan.com
Location: NYC, Boston, miscellaneous
Description: comic, friendly, vegan, atheist, optimist, dorky, awesome, human
Searching for Myq Kaplan on YouTube...
today, i am flying american. which is how a russian spy might sound when lying to airport security. but i am not russian spy. shh.
Updated 16 hours ago
oh yeah, i'm those things, too. RT @KennethWReid wouldn't the opposite be either a gerophile or an adult who kids were attracted to?
Updated 1 day(s) ago
i am the opposite of a pedophile: a pedophobe. which means i hate kids, but i'm secretly afraid i might be one and I DON'T WANNA!
Updated 1 day(s) ago
did you ever notice that "notice" sounds like "know this"? did you ever know this? (no? dis.)
Updated 2 day(s) ago
just saw "toy story 3: 3D." was slightly bummed--thought it was going to be the original "toy story" in thirty-three dimensions.
Updated 3 day(s) ago
you can do anything you put your mind to. it's just that there are some things that you can't put your mind to.
Updated 4 day(s) ago
@joshbpierce hey josh. Thanks, but one thing... you have one digit wrong I believe!
Updated 5 day(s) ago
tonight, another round of Last Comic Standing Watching/Hoping/Voting: http://www.nbc.com/last-comic-standing/vote/register.shtml
Updated 5 day(s) ago
people who read are all right in my book. and people who don't won't read my book. (a twitter feed is a book, right?)
Updated 5 day(s) ago
RT @KennethWReid you're telling me that "60 Min." is not a prequel to 24?// if it is, i sure don't want to see the lengthy sequel, "365."
Updated 6 day(s) ago
the show "24" may have ended, but possible spin-offs include "23" or "25," occurring on the bookends of daylight savings time.
Updated 6 day(s) ago
when one door closes, another opens. good news, unless your air conditioning is on.
Updated 7 day(s) ago
last night i judged an amazing air guitar contest. it was no air gregorian chanting (which is what i call yawning).
Updated 8 day(s) ago
the other day, i was thinking how saying "the other day" makes it seem like there only exist two days: today and the other one.
Updated 9 day(s) ago
maybe people who disappear in the bermuda triangle do so because geometry bores them to the point that they forget where they are.
Updated 10 day(s) ago
if a crowd gets much too lively, it can be deadly.
Updated 11 day(s) ago
the examiner has become the examinee, if you examine http://tinyurl.com/328hvyk & http://bit.ly/bQgIlB (& thanks for voting, all!)
Updated 11 day(s) ago
new #lastcomicstanding episode tonight. get ready to exercise reality democracy: http://www.nbc.com/last-comic-standing/vote/register.shtml
Updated 12 day(s) ago
what if someone wished for genies not to exist? (then it would probably come true.)
Updated 13 day(s) ago
i'm happy with yesterday's twittering + about to begin a long flight to LA + jewish day of rest (AKA lazy saturday) = this tweet!
Updated 14 day(s) ago
a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. or in other words, don't let the cat out of the bag if she's an animal in the sack.
Updated 15 day(s) ago
shouldn't "a word to the wise" be "a word FROM the wise"? don't the wise already know most of the words? what's the word, the wise?
Updated 16 day(s) ago
@ToddPM who says pi is infinite? it can't be more than 140 places, according to twitter.
Updated 17 day(s) ago
yes. though, due to zeno's dichotomy paradox, it never reaches the face, only halfway forever/ RT @ToddPM You mean it never ends?
Updated 17 day(s) ago
who told you about my predilection for relieving myself on sun-colored men?/ RT @AlexSchaeffer I'm just glad you go on tangents.
Updated 17 day(s) ago
sometimes my comedy has math in it, so it's like a pi in the face.
Updated 17 day(s) ago
pessimists should look on the bright side more. blind people can't see the glass at all. (and many are still optimistic.)
Updated 18 day(s) ago
thanks for doing those lines last night! (the on- and phone- voting variety.) get body/brain parts ready for next week, hopefully.
Updated 18 day(s) ago
you can vote, east coast! http://bit.ly/b44A1U (10x online, 10x on phone!)
PS other coasts vote soon!
Updated 19 day(s) ago
PS if you can't wait until 9pm for visuals & sounds of me on a screen, try this: http://tinyurl.com/34tgv96 (thanks @punchlinemag)
Updated 19 day(s) ago
tonight at 9pm eastern on NBC: #lastcomicstanding (i'm in it!), followed by First Audience Voting (you're in it!). luck to us all.
Updated 19 day(s) ago
don't shoot the messenger. unless they shot at you first. then it should be fine. so, only shoot the messenger in self defense.
Updated 20 day(s) ago
when did the term ?go viral? go viral?
Updated 21 day(s) ago
if you're sick, fluids and resting are the biggest help. thus, the best solution is a water bed. (or possibly an orange juice bed.)
Updated 22 day(s) ago
i love birds. or it might be that I love mushrooms and I was on them once when I saw some birds.
Updated 23 day(s) ago
This is the bottom of the page....
