http://comedytweet.com Comedy Tweet RSS Feed en-us Fri, 24 May 13 15:28:16 -0700 CandidTweet http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360388315516930 @TeresaTitsworth hey your Ma just commented on my FB Tue May 14 17:31:43 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360388315516930 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360304265867264 time to run all. see ya later :) Tue May 14 17:31:23 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360304265867264 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360275362914304 New game show "Are These People Foreign or Not?" https://t.co/OhB2qTKuSD Tue May 14 17:31:16 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360275362914304 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360270199717888 @orileyaaron you know the answer Tue May 14 17:31:15 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360270199717888 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360191795597312 RT @RustyJordan: Help my buddy Dave Landau (A ridiculously talented and funny comedian) make a movie!... http://t.co/Ntfr8EhmF7 Tue May 14 17:30:56 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360191795597312 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360154273349633 (Interview) Comedian @joemachi Close Up via Stand Up NY Labs http://t.co/FhNLExjpDN @StandUpNYLabs Tue May 14 17:30:47 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360154273349633 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360115392159744 @O_omiiii oh nice. what month's issue? Tue May 14 17:30:38 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360115392159744 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360064724967425 woman standing in line at the post office has a condom (unopened) dangling from her mouth. Think I have a shot with this one. Tue May 14 17:30:26 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360064724967425 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360037034164225 Want some #Swirtle? Your #CelebApprenticeMVP made you some. Please RETWEET this NOW! 90 minutes left. http://t.co/oMm5GKHnr9 Tue May 14 17:30:19 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360037034164225 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360002485694464 How many holes would you need to have at the end of your dick to make this mess happen?? #VAtoLAInJust15Hours http://t.co/wuQn9trGMB Tue May 14 17:30:11 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334360002485694464 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359998522073090 Lets hear it from the parents out there, win or fail? #MadeOJLaugh http://t.co/9zO5HG8bCH Tue May 14 17:30:10 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359998522073090 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359927256670208 @Free_Burge hey man. I'd like to do an interview or something to promote the show. Tue May 14 17:29:53 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359927256670208 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359899448418304 @turbogeek85 @BrodyismeFriend @EarlSkakel Stay out of this Mike, you don't know how Stevenson has changed, the look in his eyes is demonic. Tue May 14 17:29:46 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359899448418304 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359834298294275 RT @melindahill: Please read my 1st essay for @xoJanedotcom & let me know what u think in the comments RT "Weeping My Way to the Top" http:… Tue May 14 17:29:31 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359834298294275 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359805139488769 RT @shannonwoodward: Well, @rikilindhome really does watch a lot of SVU. https://t.co/Vs0eFeIAZy Tue May 14 17:29:24 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359805139488769 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359650831060993 Day 870: Defensive Set @ Laugh Factory, Hollywood http://t.co/mZKirhP3hO Tue May 14 17:28:47 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359650831060993 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359551954534400 There's a woman in the Jury pool room snoring so loudly, she's disrupting the entire American Justice System #breatherite Tue May 14 17:28:23 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359551954534400 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359465207930880 RT @jeffporper: My top tweet has 392 stars in 403 days. It's like a small audience laughing in slow motion for a year and a half. Tue May 14 17:28:03 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359465207930880 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359444274159616 @ColinHanks @alisonbrie @adampally Always. Tue May 14 17:27:58 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359444274159616 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359415031492608 I miss BBM's unique ability to tell me when someone wasn't responding by choice. #TMI Tue May 14 17:27:51 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359415031492608 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359403656511489 I'd consider streaming my last album, but it would be a slap in the face to the 10 million people who bought it. Tue May 14 17:27:48 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359403656511489 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359387680407552 Fighting off frustration with free weights & lots of them (@ Charter Fitness) http://t.co/iubazHfpjG Tue May 14 17:27:44 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359387680407552 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359366348189696 @Sam_Tallent please tell me there is video of this event!!! Tue May 14 17:27:39 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359366348189696 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359338481225728 @BrodyismeFriend @EarlSkakel Best drummer I've EVER worked with. #ScaredToGoToClub #2ndTimeInjuredKneeBecauseOfThisGuy Tue May 14 17:27:33 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359338481225728 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359323432062977 Buckshank In the big leagues @ S2 Performing Arts (LDC Rehearsal) http://t.co/wuMawTBZxR Tue May 14 17:27:29 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359323432062977 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359318671536128 Sometimes I think about the stuff I say when provoked to anger...lmao I GO HAM HUNNY, NO HOLDS BARRED, FOR THE... http://t.co/NRtywhTzsi Tue May 14 17:27:28 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359318671536128 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359308735217664 @bobcarroll24 brian dawkins Tue May 14 17:27:25 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359308735217664 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359299105116160 #truth RT @TheSinclair: @tomdog @chkchkchk "Amazing" might even be an understatement...! Tue May 14 17:27:23 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359299105116160 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359293820272641 @JohnPadon :: hey! Wanted to talk to you about your new project. Tue May 14 17:27:22 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359293820272641 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359248341450752 RT @nottjmiller: The many busts of #searchparty @alisonbrie @rikilindhome shannonwoodward @adampally https://t.co/gz0RGJ7s66 Tue May 14 17:27:11 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359248341450752 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359231052521472 RT @jeffporper: I'm sure people who bang on the glass at hockey games send stupid @'s to comedians. Tue May 14 17:27:07 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359231052521472 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359121891581954 Laugh Factory This Week #constantcontact http://t.co/k6EVhRE2wC Tue May 14 17:26:41 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359121891581954 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359075297058817 @Scott_Wood i heard he did really well. Tue May 14 17:26:30 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359075297058817 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359045983043584 Where is the pre game @Pacers party...gonna go party with my Blue&Gold pacer fans. Then it's game time shout out Dedemarie31 lets go!!! Tue May 14 17:26:23 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359045983043584 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359008771207168 DO THIS. RT @amyschumer: See my bfs @nikkiglaser and @rachelfeinstein on #insideamy tonight http://t.co/CPeqfqOaTn Tue May 14 17:26:14 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334359008771207168 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358904769216512 I am glad #GeorgeLucas sold out. I love my #R2D2 #coffee mug. http://t.co/r2RGJIUXy8 Tue May 14 17:25:49 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358904769216512 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358872552771585 Today: @InternJustice's Maurice Pianko on effect of free labor on economy. Plus intersectionality talk! #scoochers http://t.co/pYLdUEh7Rz Tue May 14 17:25:41 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358872552771585 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358797978050560 Breaking: Jay Carney sets new record is use of the word "unfettered". Promises future use will be fettered. Tue May 14 17:25:24 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358797978050560 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358769460981760 @erinvalynn awwh a dawgs life Tue May 14 17:25:17 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358769460981760 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358754793508864 New music coming soon! :) https://t.co/iQoCEYtoB7 Tue May 14 17:25:13 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358754793508864 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358751106699264 Hey thanks a lot to my Internet friend / one of my fav tweeters @jeffporper for the totd! Lets get drunk @ Applebee's http://t.co/Gu7IDNuyp2 Tue May 14 17:25:13 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358751106699264 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358741371736064 Scotty Muzzio in the flesh. http://t.co/1MLfP9RJyT Tue May 14 17:25:10 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358741371736064 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358731796135937 @SimplyDon1 @EarlSkakel Don, you provoked me and I got stiff armed by you and tackled by your goon/drummer Skakel. #unCalledFor Tue May 14 17:25:08 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358731796135937 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358709813784576 @sidney_b so you get the proposal? Tue May 14 17:25:03 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358709813784576 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358620055670786 @Scott_Wood bullshit!!! :) Tue May 14 17:24:41 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358620055670786 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358610010324992 RT @RMcElhenney: If ur wondering whether or not Benioff and Weiss wrote an episode of Sunny this year the answer is, of course, yes. http:/… Tue May 14 17:24:39 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358610010324992 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358512257871872 Don't worry, lady. If I saw me walking down the sidewalk carrying a child's Razor scooter, I'd frantically cross the street and dial 911 too Tue May 14 17:24:16 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358512257871872 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358493068931072 @tor3535 all good...thanks Tue May 14 17:24:11 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358493068931072 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358430259216384 @DSI_Shelby its important to wear the cone...don't let the cone wear you Tue May 14 17:23:56 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358430259216384 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358397262655488 I dont give a fuck still i fI want Angelina Jolie I make pregnant if i want anyday Tue May 14 17:23:48 +0000 2013 http://comedytweet.com/permalink/334358397262655488